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Izwi Lamashumi Amane

Abantu bagxila kukho konke engikwenzayo, okungathi sengizokwehlisa amazulu, futhi bahlala bedideka ngezenzo Zami, okungathi engikwenzayo abakuqondi. Kanjalo, bagqugquzelwa Yimi kukho konke abakwenzayo, besaba ukuthi bazolicasula Izulu bese belahlelwa “ezweni labafayo.” Angizami ukubamba abantu, kodwa ngenza ukuntula kwabo kube yikho okuqondwe umsebenzi Wami. Ngalesi sikhathi, bajabule kakhulu, bese bethembela Kimi. Uma ngibapha, abantu bangithanda njengoba bezithanda bona, kodwa uma kukhona engikucelayo kubo, bayangibalekela. Kungani kunjalo? Abakwazi nje nokwenza “ukulunga nokucabanga” ezweni labantu? Kungani ngilokhu ngifuna lokhu kumuntu njalo njalo? Ngabe kusho ukuthi anginalutho? Abantu bangithathisa okomuntu ocelayo. Uma ngicela izinto kubo, banginika lokhu “obekusele” ukuthi “ngikuthokozele,” bese bethi bayanginakekela. Ngibheka ubuso babo obubi nokungejwayeleki, bese ngiphinda ngiyasuka kumuntu. Ngaphansi kwezimo ezinjalo, abantu bahlala bengaqondi, baphinde babuyise izinto engibanqabele kuzo, belinde ukubuya Kwami. Sengichithe isikhathi esiningi, ngakhokha inani elikhulu, ngenxa yomuntu–kodwa ngalesi sikhathi, ngesizathu esingaziwa, onembeza babantu bahlala bengakwazi ukwenza imisebenzi-ngqangi yabo. Ngenxa yalokho, lokhu kuqhubeka nokungabaza kwabo ngikufaka ohlwini “lwamagama ayimfihlakalo,” ukuze abe “ngawokubhekisa kuwo” ezizukulwaneni ezizayo, ngoba lena “imiphumela yocwaningo lwezesayensi” oluphume “emsebenzini onzima” wabantu; ngingayisusa kanjani kalula kanjalo? Ngabe lokhu ngeke kube “ukwenzela phansi” izinhloso zabantu ezinhle? Ngoba nginawo unembeza, angizibandakanyi ezintweni ezinamaqhinga nezinobuqili nomuntu– azinjalo izenzo Zami? Ngabe lokhu akukona “ukulunga nokucabanga” umuntu akhuluma ngakho? Kubantu, ngisebenze ngangapheza kwaze kwaba yimanje. Ngokufika kwesikhathi esifana nesanamuhla, abantu abakangazi, basangiphathisa okwesihambi, futhi ngisho sengibase “kwangqingetshe,” sebengizonda kakhulu. Ngalesi sikhathi, uthando ezinhliziyweni zabo kudala lwaphela alusabonakali nangokhalo. Angenzi ihaba, futhi angideleli umuntu. Umuntu ngingamthanda kuze kube ngunaphakade, futhi ngingamzonda kuze kube phakade, futhi lokhu ngeke kushintshe, ngoba nginakho ukubekezela. Kodwa umuntu akanakho lokhu kubekezela, uhlala engithela ngamanzi ashisayo nabandayo, unginaka kuphela uma ngivula umlomo Wami, kanti uma ngivala umlomo Wami ngingasho lutho, uyalahleka emagagasini ezwe elikhulu. Kanjalo, lokhu ngikuthatha ngikufake kwesinye isisho: Abantu abakwazi ukubekezela, ngakho abakwazi ukwenelisa inhliziyo Yami.

Ngenkathi abantu bephupha, ngihamba amazwe omhlaba ezandleni ngifafaza “iphunga lokufa” kubantu. Bonke abantu babe sebeshiya ngokushesha ukuphila bangene kwelinye izinga lokuphila lomuntu. Kubantu, angeke kuphinde kubonakale nakuphi na okuphilayo, izidumbu zisabalele yonke indawo, izinto ezigcwele ukuphila ngokushesha zinyamalale zingabe zisabonakala, bese kuthi ukunuka kwezidumbu kugcwale ezweni. Ngokushesha ngemboza ubuso Bami bese ngiyasuka phakathi kwabantu, ngoba sengiqala isinyathelo esilandelayo somsebenzi, nginika abaphilile indawo yokuhlala bese ngenza ukuthi bonke abantu baphile ezweni elifanele. Leli izwe elibusisekile–izwe elingenalusizi noma ukububula–engililungisele umuntu. Amanzi aphuma emithonjeni ngawasendulo acwebe ngokwanele ukuthi ukwazi ukubona phansi, ahlala egobhoza awomi, abantu baphila ngokuzwana noNkulunkulu, kucula izinyoni, kanti phakathi komoya ohelezayo nelanga elifudumele, izulu nomhlaba kuphumule. Namuhla, lapha, izidumbu zabantu bonke zihlikizeke yonke indawo. Ngaphandle kokwazi kwabantu, ezandleni Zami ngikhipha umashayabhuqe, bese imizimba yabantu iyabola, ingashiyi nencane inyama kusuka ekhanda kuya ezinzwaneni, bese ngiya kude le kunomuntu. Angeke ngisaphinde ngibuthane nabantu, ngeke ngiphinde ngiye phakathi kwabantu ngoba isigaba sokugcina sokuphatha Kwami konke sesifike ekugcineni, futhi ngeke ngisaphinda ngibadale abantu futhi, futhi ngeke ngiphinde ngibanake abantu. Emva kokufunda amazwi emlonyeni Wami, bonke abantu balahlekelwa yithemba, ngoba abafuni ukufa–kodwa ngubani “ongafi” ukuze “aphile”? Uma ngitshela abantu ukuthi anginawo umlingo wokubenza baphile, bayakhala kabuhlungu; impela, yize nginguMdali, nginamandla kuphela okwenza abantu bafe, kodwa angikwazi ukubenza babuye baphile futhi. Ngalokhu, ngiyaxolisa kubantu. Kanjalo, ngitshele abantu kusenesikhathi ukuthi “Ngibakweleta isikweletu esingeke sikhokheke”–kodwa bebecabanga ukuthi ngimane ngiyazithoba. Namuhla, ngokuqala kwamaqiniso, ngisakusho lokhu. Angeke ngiwakhaphele amaqiniso uma ngikhuluma. Emiqondweni yabo abantu bakholwa ukuthi ngikhuluma ngezindlela eziningi, ngakho bahlala bebamba amazwi engibanikeza wona bebe benethemba lokunye futhi. Ngabe lokhu akukona ukukhuthaza okungalungile komuntu? Ngabe kungaphansi kwalezi zimo lapho ngithi khona “ngokuzigqaja” umuntu akangithandi ngokweqiniso. Angeke ngifulathele unembeza bese ngihlanekezela amaqiniso, ngoba ngeke ngibase abantu ezweni elibafanele; ekugcineni, uma umsebenzi Wami usuphelile, ngizobaholela ezweni lokufa. Ngakho-ke, kungcono abantu bangakhalazi Ngami–akungoba abantu “bengithanda”? Akukhona ukuthi ukulangazelelwa kwabo izibusiso kukhulu kakhulu? Uma ngabe abantu bebengafuni ukufuna izibusiso, kungani pho kukhona “leli shwa”? Ngenxa “yokuthembeka” kwabantu Kimi, ngoba bangilandele iminyaka eminingi, besebenza kanzima noma bengafaki lutho, ngibavezela kancane ukuthi kwenzekani egumbini elifihlekile: Sengikushilo lokho, namuhla, umsebenzi Wami usazofinyelela esigabeni esithile kanti nabantu basazophonswa emgodini wamalangabi, ngibeluleka ukuthi bahambe ngokushesha–bonke labo abazosala bangase babe nebhadi nenhlanhla encane ekugcineni, ngeke bakwazi ukugwema ukufa. Ngibavulela “umnyango wengcebo”; namuphi ofisa okuhamba kumele ahambe ngokushesha–uma belinda kuze kufike isikhathi sokujezisa, kuzobe sekusemva kwesikhathi. La mazwi awayona inhlekisa–angamaqiniso angempela. Amazwi Ami ngiwakhuluma nabantu ngonembeza omuhle, uma ningahambi manje, nizohamba nini? Ngabe abantu bayakwazi ngempela ukuthemba amazwi Ami?

Angikaze ngicabange kahle ngesimiselo somuntu; ngilandela nje intando Yami, engavinjiwe abantu. Ngingasihoxisa kanjani isandla Sami ngenxa yokwesaba kwabo? Ohlelweni Lwami lonke lokuphatha, angikaze ngenze ezinye izinhlelo zalokhu abantu abazohlangabezana nakho. Ngenza ngilandela uhlelo Lwami lokuqala. Esikhathini esedlule, abantu “bazinikela” Kimi futhi ngangingashisi futhi ngingabandi kubo. Namuhla, “bazidelile” ngenxa Yami, namanje angishisi futhi angibandi kubo. Angizikhohlwa ubuMina ngenxa yokuthi abantu badele izimpilo zabo ngenxa Yami, futhi angigcwele intokozo ephuphumayo, kodwa ngiyaqhubeka nokubamukisa enkundleni yokubulawa ngokuhambisana necebo Lami. Anginaki ukuthi benzani uma behlambuluka – inhliziyo Yami ebandayo eyiqhwa ingathintwa kanjani inhliziyo yomuntu? Ngabe Yimina kuphela engingomunye wezilwane ezinemizwa phakathi kwabantu? Kaningi ngikhumbuze abantu ukuthi anginayo imizwa, kodwa bavele bamamatheke, becabanga ukuthi ngiyazithoba. Ngishilo ukuthi “anginalwazi nemibono ngempilo emhlabeni wabantu,” kodwa abantu abacabangi kanjalo, bathi ngikhuluma ngezindlela eziningi. Ngenxa yokuvinjwa imicabango enjena yabantu, angazi ukuthi kumele ngikhulume ngaliphi iphimbo lezwi, futhi ngandlelani kubantu–ngakho-ke, akukho okunye, ngaphandle kokuthi ngikhulume ngephimbo lokubatshela. Yini enye engingayenza? Abantu bakhuluma ngezindlela eziningi–bathi “Anginciki emizweni kodwa ngenza ukulunga,” okuyisiqubulo asebesisho iminyaka eminingi, kodwa abakwazi ukwenza njengokwamazwi abo, amazwi abo awanalutho–ngakho ngithi abantu abakwazi ukuthi “amazwi abo nabakufezayo kwenzeke ngesikhathi esisodwa.” Ezinhliziyweni zabo, ngokwenza kanjalo balingisa Mina–kodwa anginandaba nokulingisa kwabo, sengikhathele ngidiniwe yikho. Kungani njalo abantu bephendukela lowo obondlayo? Ngabe abantu ngibanike okuncane kakhulu? Kungani abantu belokhu bekhonza uSathane bengifihlela? Kungathi bayangisebenzela kodwa umholo engibanika wona wenyanga awenele ukubonelela izindleko zabo zokuphila, ngoba ngalokho babe sebefuna omunye umsebenzi abazowenza ngesikhathi sabo ukuze baphindaphinde iholo labo–ngoba incithakalo yabantu inkulu, futhi babukeka bengazi ukuthi bazophila kanjani. Uma bekunjalo ngempela, bengizothi mabahambe “embonini” Yami. Kudala ngake ngabachazela abantu ukuthi ukusebenzela Mina akwenzi umuntu aphathwe ngendlela ekhethekile: Ngaphandle kokukhetha, bonke abantu ngibaphatha ngobulungiswa futhi ngiyabacabangela, ngisebenzisa uhlelo oluthi “uma usebenza kanzima uzuza kakhulu, uma usebenza kancane uzuza kancane, uma ungasebenzi ngeke uzuze lutho.” Uma ngikhuluma, angigodli lutho; uma abantu bekholwa ukuthi “imithetho yemboni” Yami ilukhuni, kumele baphume ngokushesha, ngizobakhokhela “izindleko zabo zokuhamba”. “Nginobubele” abantu abanjalo uma ngibhekene nabo, angibaphoqi ukuthi bahlale. Phakathi kwalaba bantu abaningi, angeke yini ngamthola “umsebenzi” ofuna inhliziyo Yami? Abantu akumele bangithathe kancane! Uma abantu beqhubeka nokungangilaleli befuna ukufuna “umsebenzi” kwenye indawo, angeke ngibaphoqe–ngizobavumela, akukho okunye! Akungoba “nginemithetho nemithethonqubo eminingi”?

uNhlaba 8, 1992

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